English the American Way: A Fun ESL Guide to Language and Culture in the U.S. » Unit 16: The Better Half
So you’re in a bar and someone catches your eye. Wow, she’s the girl of your dreams! You begin chatting her up, and soon you realize you’re crazy about her. You want to get together the next evening and go out on a date. No, no, no! We’re not talking about the fruit kind of date, or the what-day-is-it kind of date. We’re talking about the romantic kind of date. How do you ask her? Where do you go? Well, don’t ask us. It seems like hundreds of years since we’ve been on a date, and we’ve completely forgotten what to do. A date for us is a trip to the local supermarket. But our sources tell us there are many options to suit any pocketbook. How about cocktails at the local bar? Make sure you both have ID; you will probably be carded. How about a romantic stroll in the park? And, just to be on the safe side, make sure you know whom you are going with.
What if you never seem to meet anyone? These days, many people try dating services on the Internet to find Mr. or Ms. Right. Watch out for those blind dates, though. That 20-year-old stunner whose picture you saw may turn out to look more like your great-grandmother . . . or worse! Some people prefer to go on a double date at first until they feel more comfortable. Watch out at night; cougars could be prowling the streets! No, we’re not talking about a big cat that has escaped from the zoo. Cougars are older women looking for younger men to date. (We think men must have come up with that comparison, haha.) And for you ladies, sugar daddies are not giant candy bars. These are older men looking for younger women to date. Be careful that you don’t turn out to be some guy’s trophy wife. Some rich old men just like the idea of going to events and parties with arm candy.
For kids in high school, one of the most important and exciting dates is prom night. This is a special evening with a very fancy dance that has music and food. If you’re a parent, you’d better start saving. This can be an expensive time, with kids going all out to make it a perfect night. Girls spend lots of money on a special dress, a fancy hairstyle, and lots of makeup, and yes, some parents even rent a limo for the night. Here’s the funny thing about prom night: however carefully you choose a dress and do your hair, you can be sure that in 30 years you’ll cringe when you look at the pictures of yourself —and probably your date, too!
ALAN: Hi, Lia. What’s up?
LIA: Oh, nothing much. Just trying to get ready for midterm exams.
ALAN: Mmm. Me, too. I’m feeling a little stressed.
LIA: Yes! I can’t wait ’til they’re over; then I can let my hair down a bit.
ALAN: Well, I could really use a break right now. Do you feel like catching a movie tonight? Crazy Weekend with the Zombies is playing at the multiplex.
LIA: Hey, that’s a great idea! I’m dying to see that. I hear it’s hilarious. Why don’t we grab something to eat beforehand? I’m sick of dorm food.
ALAN: Sure. How about if I pick you up at about 7? The movie starts at 8:30, and we can grab a quick bite before we go.
LIA: Sounds great! See you at 7.
| Tip 1 | Don’t forget: you must be 21 to buy alcohol in the United States. Most places will card you. In some states, you can buy alcohol only in a liquor store. In others, you can buy beer and wine in a supermarket. |
| Tip 2 | Smoking is not allowed in most public places. Most smokers can be seen roasting in the summer and freezing in the winter as they stand outside a building for their smoke. Take our advice: it’s much easier (and healthier) to quit (or never take it up in the first place)! |
Adding an e to the end of a word makes the a vowel sound long: date = dayt.
Say these pairs of words and notice how the e at the end makes the a sound longer:
| Hat–hate: | hat | hayt |
| Rat–rate: | rat | rayt |
| Mat–mate: | mat | mayt |
After you’ve been going out for a while, you may realize you only have eyes for that special person. Yes, you have fallen for her big time and decide that you want to to get hitched. First of all, you need to pop the question. Some people think it seems old-fashioned now, but it’s still usually the custom for the man to propose to the woman. And what is the question? It’s always, “Will you marry me?” Some guys get very creative and post the question on highway billboards. Some plan to do it at a sports event. But the really traditional marriage proposal is done on bended knee, after asking the woman’s father for permission. If the woman says, “Yes, I will marry you!” you’re engaged! She is your fiancée, and you are the fiancé. (We’ve taken these words from French. Don’t ask us why, but it does sound romantic.)
Now you get to prepare for the big day when you will finally tie the knot and say, “I do.” It’s just about the best time of your life—and also the most stressful! Trying to have your dream wedding, keep all the in-laws happy, and stay within a budget can be a real chore. Things become even more interesting if you come from a family where parents have remarried. Now there are stepparents as well. Some people have a wedding planner to help them with the details. The great part about that is that the wedding planner gets to have the headaches! The planner does the grunt work, while the happy couple enjoys thinking about exchanging vows. Well, they think about the vows . . . and about how they’re going to pay the wedding planner!
A very popular custom with couples today is to set up a bridal registry. The bride-to-be registers with a store, and the couple decides what things they’d like in their new home. The best part? The bride and groom pick out all the cool stuff, but they don’t have to spend a penny! They make a list of things they’d really like to have; friends and family check the list and decide what they’d like to buy as a gift. It sure beats running the risk of getting four toasters! Remember to include items in a range of prices. Some people may like to chip in together and get a more expensive gift. Other people may want to go solo and get something smaller.
Friends of the bride and groom often have bachelor or bachelorette parties to celebrate. This is the last chance to party with your friends as a single person. Don’t overdo it and feel sick on your wedding day. Or worse: don’t run off and elope with someone else!
Finally, the big day arrives, and it’s all you ever dreamed it would be. The bride looks beautiful, the groom is handsome, and the guests are all well behaved. A success! Now, it’s off to the honeymoon to de-stress from it all. Whew, what a whirlwind! Now all you have to do is remember the anniversary, or you’ll be in big trouble!
LIA: It’s my wedding anniversary tonight.
JAE: Oh, congratulations!
LIA: Yeah, gosh, it takes me back to when Tony first asked me to marry him. He had it all planned out so carefully.
JAE: Uh-oh. Sounds like there is a romantic story here.
LIA: It’s quite a story, all right. He was working in New York, and I was still living in England, so I flew to New York City to spend a long weekend with him. We went to the top of the Empire State Building . . .
JAE: . . . and he asked you to marry him? With the stars twinkling in the night sky? There, at the top of the building, with the beautiful skyline of New York City right below you?! How romantic!
LIA: Um, well, uh, not quite. Yes, in his original plan he was going to ask me there. But . . . .
JAE: But . . . ?
LIA: Well, we had some friends with us, and Tony told his bff about the romantic Empire State Building proposal plan. His friend begged him not to propose to me there!
JAE: Are you kidding? Why not?
LIA: Tony’s friend was with his girlfriend, too. He was worried that if Tony asked me to marry him, then his girlfriend would expect a proposal, too!
JAE: HAhahahaha! So then what happened?
LIA: Well, then Tony went to Plan B. He was going to take me out for a romantic meal at one of those Japanese restaurants where they prepare the food at the table. He was going to ask the guy to put my ring in the food.
JAE: Hahaha! This is too funny! Okay, so why didn’t that happen?
LIA: I was so jet-lagged I didn’t want to go out for dinner.
JAE: Just as well. You’d probably have eaten the ring. I can see you choking on your engagement ring. Help! Call 911! I’ve eaten an engagement ring!
LIA: Oh, very funny. Anyway, we ended up going out to a bagel place.
JAE: OH NO! Don’t tell me he stuck the ring in the cream cheese, and then you couldn’t find it!
LIA: Oh, just stop it. It may have been a little bagel place, but it could have been the fanciest, most elegant candlelit restaurant. He offered me the most beautiful ring and asked, “Will you be my wife?”
JAE: Did he get down on one knee? I hope he didn’t slip on the cream cheese.
LIA: STOP IT! No, it wasn’t on bended knee, but it was very romantic anyway. I’ll never forget it. Okay, so how about you? What’s your romantic proposal story?
JAE: You want a romantic story? Oh, I have a perfect romantic story.
LIA: Okay, I’m all ears.
JAE: Well, we were sitting next to a peaceful lake at sunset on a perfect summer day. The sky was ablaze with beautiful reds and orange, and some ducks went swimming by. Suddenly, on the dock below, a group of violins began to play. Jim got down on one knee and said, “You are the most wonderful thing in my life. Will you marry me and be my princess?”
LIA: That is so perfect! It’s almost like a fairy tale!
JAE: Ha, ha. I know. It is like a fairy tale! And, as you know, fairy tales are make-believe. You wanted a romantic story, that’s what you got—a story! Okay, so it’s not true, but the real story is pretty funny. I’ll save it for when we have a lot more time.
| Tip 3 | Don’t forget to RSVP to an invitation! The bride needs to know exactly how many people to plan for at the reception, so it’s important to reply and let her know if you’ll be coming. |
| Tip 4 | The invitation will usually say exactly who is invited. If the bride would like you to bring your boyfriend, the invitation will say “Miss Smith and guest.” |
Ah, it was a beautiful relationship while it lasted. But not every couple is lucky enough to enjoy wedded bliss forever. Sometimes the problems that come up are too difficult to solve, and divorce seems like the only answer. So, after trying to work things out with your spouse, you’ve decided that you’re at the end of your rope. It’s not only that the two of you have grown apart, it’s that you just can’t put up with those smelly feet any longer! You’ve given it your best shot, but you can’t stand the sight of those dirty socks all over the bedroom floor any longer. Or maybe it’s something more serious. Maybe you’ve learned that your partner has been cheating on you and having an affair. After talking through all your options, you decide that the only solution is to split up. This is usually a sad decision, and many times couples will decide to give it a second chance and get back together. If the problems remain, and the couple just can’t work things out, it may be the end of the road and, sadly (or happily?), time to say good-bye and get a divorce.
LIA: Hey, what’s the matter? You look down.
JAE: Yeah, I guess I am. I just broke up with Joseph.
LIA: You and Joseph have broken up? Oh, no! What happened? I thought things were going really well.
JAE: Yes and no. He is such a nice guy in a lot of ways, but things just started getting really boring, you know. He stopped doing all the nice stuff like buying me flowers and saying nice things. He only wants to sit on the couch and watch TV, and I want to do fun things with friends.
LIA: I know what you mean; Tony is the same. I’d just like him to be a little more . . . well, romantic or something.
JAE: Yeah, but it’s not only that. We’ve just gone in different directions. He isn’t interested at all in any of the things I like to do. I just feel he has really let me down. I just can’t count on him anymore.
LIA: Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you get over the breakup soon. But after all, maybe there’s still a chance that you two can work things out and make up. Maybe you should put off the separation.
JAE: Well, we’ve been trying for a long time, so I think this is the end of the road for us. But thanks anyway.
| Tip 5 | Before a couple decides to separate or divorce, they will often try counseling. A professional counselor who helps couples resolve their differences is called a marriage therapist or family therapist. |
Phrasal verbs are really common in informal English. They are verbs and particles (could be a preposition or adverb) that work together to change the meaning of the verb. It sounds more complicated than it is, and there aren’t many English speakers who can tell you what a particle is anyway! Just know that they’re words that work together to make one meaning.
- Some phrasal verbs are pretty easy to understand because they mean exactly what they say (literal):
go out (which is, of course, going out of the house somewhere)
We go out to the movies every Friday night.
- Others are trickier because there is no way you can figure out what they mean just by knowing all the words:
make up
In a good relationship, it’s important to make up after a disagreement.
This is not to be confused with the noun makeup (one word), which means cosmetics. Isn’t English fun?!
- Some phrasal verbs are separable, which means you can separate the verb from the particle:
let down
Tom is never around to help when I need him.
He lets me down all the time.
- Some phrasal verbs are inseparable, which means you can’t separate the verb and particle.
go out
We go out together every weekend.
Never say, We go together out.
- Some phrasal verbs are transitive, which means they need a direct object.
put off
You should put off the separation.
Never say, You should put off. You must put off something!
- Some phrasal verbs are intransitive, which means no direct object is necessary.
make up
Maybe you two will make up.
Nothing else is needed.
Okay, so how do you figure all this out? (Figure out is another phrasal verb!) Okay, we admit it’s tricky.
- Try to learn phrasal verbs in context as you hear them.
The more you practice, the easier they become. We promise! If all else fails, look them up in a dictionary.
Ha! Did you spot it? Look up, used in this way, is a nonliteral, separable, transitive phrasal verb! We bet you already knew that . . .
There are lots of ways to make suggestions and proposals. Watch the verb form that you need to use with each one.
| Informal | More formal |
| - Verb + -ing: Do you feel like going out? How about going out? - Base form of the verb: Let's go out. why don't we go out? | - Will you marry me? - Would you be my wife? - Will you be my princess? (Ha, ha. Good luck with that one.) |
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